stacked emotions

:(

2012-02-11T23:45:00.001+10:30

my heart is hurting for this family
i dont even know them
and i realise that there is a chance that they may not be in this situation
(say if they were lying)
but if they are, i can't imagine how hard it would be

http://sydney.gumtree.com.au/c-Community-other-community-PLEASE-HELP-US-W0QQAdIdZ353974386

i have endless ideas of what i could do to help in my head
and yet, i dont know if God thinks they're the best way

k

Sleepless

2012-02-06T01:51:00.001+10:30

I can't sleep.
So many things on my mind
Must commit them to prayer
Mind is running at a million km per hour

Just want uni to start

i could spend hours looking

2012-02-05T01:02:00.001+10:30

two parties. one night

2012-02-05T00:34:00.000+10:30

today was stressful.
things went wrong here and there, but hey at the end of the night everything went well
people were happy, we didnt under cater - sweet.

reminders to self:
just because parents think that there isnt going to be enough food doesnt mean that it's true
make sure between being asked to cater and the actual day, see the party girl/ guy in person and discuss in detail about what they want
don't go shopping with three different cars on three different days to three different places - because you'll never get everything in the right place at the right time
never agree to cater if you dont have the kitchen for the whole day
aunties are amazing sandwich makers

got into the car and all mum could do was tell me what i should've done, that there was too much food ( well i wasn't the one who said that there wasn't going to be enough....) how i should have done things, too many things that required too much effort and time............................................................................ couldn't have just said good job and moved on?
you learn from your experiences, first time catering, i'll know next time -

so to get away from it all, i decided i'd make a trip to the next suburb and hang out with my good friends from st dunstan's (: yay! i love the brothers and sisters there, they're amazing (: so lovely - (: it was chee's farewell party and i had to go and say goodbye, i promised him i would - that and i said yes to his party first..
that's the kind of party i'd have, whether just cos or for 21st -
a big hall, with dimmed lights, fairy lights, chairs in small circles - a bit of good food and drink floating around, a band in the background - chairs outdoors too
it's the perfect atmosphere, people sit around and talk, you can walk around and talk-
it's so CHILL ! - man, wish i could 've stayed there longer, but after a while i had to head back to epping baps and clean up- which was not nearly as stressful as setting up but people still didnt seem to understand that i can only talk to one person at a time and not ten.... and i'm not as good as multitasking as most people seem to make women out to be able to-

i didn't take any photos of the food, but i will get to see them on fb i expect -
got to taste some of the food, but i wasn't really hungry at all - i ate fruit skewers tho (: really needed fruit
*crave*

got to see some people around tonight that i hadnt seen for a long time
but i didnt really get the time to talk to anyone

i really hate my stressed self
i imagine myself becoming a monster
trying to respond to ten different people at the same time
and can't be patient with anyone, has ten billion things going through my head
and can't concentrate on anything and finish it because someone else needs me
someone who gets annoyed at people who are doing things slowly
or have been explained what to do and still ask a million questions ...
when i am stressed, i am so unloving, i hate it - it something i have to work on
i think thats why i try not to put myself in stressed situations, i just try to give myself as much time as possible to do anything, so it never gets to that - but today it got to that when we had left one or two things at sammy's house - going and getting it should take five minutes but ends up taking half an hour or more
bleugh... would like to move on from today and just forget about it -

got to chat to andy b and ashlyn tonight (: got talking about friends and various other things (: felt like i was with people who had the same thought as me - man, i miss blackstump friends, i miss the atmosphere, st dunstan's brothers and sisters, baptist donuts, the bands, the chilling, the friendliness of stump, camping with rosie and chloe and jess and jack and tom and dave and talking late late late into the night. i miss their families, especially rosie's family - where her mum treats me like another daughter, or tom's family, loving loving people -it's such a community. i miss pizza nights at tom's house, with great gourmet pizzas made in their hand made outdoor wooden pizza stove thing.

gotta sleep
wanna gym before church tmr
maybe
or maybe just sleep in
(:

one day

2012-01-31T23:12:00.000+10:30

i hope i get real clients
after some experience
hopefully ill be able to estimate well costs
ill sit down with them once and figure out what they want
and then just make it
thanks.

stressing out

2012-01-31T23:09:00.000+10:30

catering for a 21st
i have a few problems

one) i have an idea of what i'd like it to look like
she approved
two) her mum wants something else, ok, thats fine, maybe tell me when you asked me to cater
and not three days in advanced, i'm trying not to stress
three) you two need to communicate to one another about stuff, anything
you can't agree and then your mum disagree - you gotta talk it out , agree
or agree to disagree
four) you have given me three or two and a half hours in the kitchen
dude.
five) i suck at estimating costs - this is my bad
six) its so much worse when i have to delegate, i can't pull it all together
seven) all this is my fault - parents pulled me into their room to talk tonight
and dad put it all on me
i'm not happy
eight) i'm stressing man, stressed. - i dont want to put out bad food for others to eat
nine) its in a few days.
ten) why does the fridge have to be nearly full already !?
eleven) costco, please save me
twelve) sleepless nights, endless phonecalls coming up
thirteen) please be under budget.

kay
thanks
bye

ecclesiastes

2012-01-29T22:56:00.002+10:30

Nextgen12

2012-01-26T23:32:00.001+10:30

Has been amazing (:
I have been so convicted and convinced of the importance of children's ministry and that God can work powerfully in the hearts of the children if you ask Him to.

God has been helping me to understand His word and i have been challenged in so many ways, i have written the main point of each point down in my diary but it will require a lot of prayer to see these convictions become realities in my life.

I love how i will leave tmr knowing Gods word more and loving Him more because of it. That and i will be more equipped for children's ministry and so excited for it!

learning about myself

2012-01-23T00:00:00.002+10:30

not going to the gym makes me moody
leave me alone for too long and i'll dwell on things and get upset.
nothing makes me more upset than family

there are some things that are painful

2012-01-22T23:36:00.002+10:30

when asian parents talk in that way - other people's parents.
i feel like a volcano inside
but on the outside i'm calm.
i trust God has a plan

and you
i havent seen you in months i feel
please be ok
and enjoy your day
i wish i knew how you really were.
you're definitely distant nowadays.

know what?

2012-01-21T15:40:00.002+10:30

i want to do the food for my 21st.

garden party
good food
amazing people
small.

it will be that one chance
where i can do what i love
and have a reason to do it properly

i feel like i learn about myself all the time

2012-01-19T17:58:00.000+10:30

I don't like it when people look into my eyes- I feel like they're trying to read me.

I will stare into space when I'm thinking and my surroundings fade.

I have not found closure and I'm desperately yearning for it.

I can relate.

2012-01-19T17:53:00.002+10:30

Who will love the girl who suddenly gets quiet because she got a bad vibe,
so it ruins her whole day?

Who will love the girl who gets lost is her train of thoughts and will never be able to tell you why she got lost in the first place?

Who will love the girl who yearns for those midnight talks about life and what it has to bring?

Who will love the girl?

(:

2012-01-18T20:53:00.004+10:30

got into usyd
so i was looking at subjects to do
and was looking at social policy
and thought i'd really enjoy it
then looked at the junior units
and realised they were just sociology intro.
then went and looked at the social work outline
and realised that its in there
(: so i will do social policy in social work
thank goodness
good to know im going to enjoy what im going to study (:
YAY

thank GOd

spring clean

2012-01-18T16:37:00.003+10:30

in the summer
i find i have to clean my room out every so often
:/

i accumulate so much random stuff

raising of hands

2012-01-16T12:36:00.000+10:30

For one, raised hands are symbolic of our dependence on someone else. Raising hands during worship can be similar to children who lift their hands to be picked up, comforted, protected, or carried: "I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land" (Psalm 143.6).

"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands and call on your name" (Psalms 63.3-4).

Another significant meaning of raised hands is to bless God, much like Aaron's blessing of the people. In Psalm 63 the psalmist says he raises his hands to bless God. This symbolizes both gratefulness and joy for the blessings God has given. Indeed, many of the psalms indicate that hands are raised in song and prayer to show thankfulness and joy for God's great works (cf., Psalms 134, 141). The raising of hands for this purpose is common during songs of praise.

Finally, the lifting of a hand may signify a vow. This is similar to our custom of raising our hand in court and promising to tell the "truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." This is practiced throughout scripture: "Therefore he raised his hand and swore to them that he would make them fall in the wilderness" (Psalms 106.26)

Cowra so far

2012-01-11T22:47:00.001+10:30

frisbeeI have watched as God has placed His loving hands upon mission. It has been encouraging to see the church community come together and to see the locals so willing to let their children come to cowra summer breakout.

I have been in the kitchen for hours at a time each day, waking up at 530 each day for quiet time before heading out to cook breakfast for the team. I've enjoyed serving with the cooking team.(:

i have enjoyed watching the beautiful sunset each day. I have felt God tell me He is watching over me. I have enjoyed frisbee and basketball each day after dinner. Today we had half the day off, went to a cafe and had the worst coffee i have ever had. And then headed to the pool in the next town half and hour away. It was freezing but i went swimming anyway. Cowra is supposed to be boiling but im glad its not.

It hasn't been all smiles. Been very tired and lacking energy. And also felt very lonely finding it hard to find time to have good conversations. I spent quiet time today in tears crying out to God. And im thankful that He has answered (: came back today and had the opportunity to talk to a friend. Actually have a good conversation and get to know her more(: also made a good friend(: also known to some as my cousin, because we have the same last name(: and a good friend from the kitchen(:

Was great visiting jumping beans, which is the kindergarten kids through to year two kids. (: they are very cute and i love hanging out with them and doing craft with them(:

Have found it really hard to get to know those who have been on team for longer, they seem to hang out together and i have found it really hard to even just sit down with them.

I have not been eating well mainly because there usually isn't a vegetarian option, ironic since i work in the kitchen. So i end up eating the salad or vegetarian part of the meal. Could be why im not feeling too well.

Actually rather excited to get home and see family and friends, go back to work and get ready for uni. And go to next gen and back to church.

Mission has been good and bad . I can see the great work that is done here. Heaps of effort is put in and its really packed and intense. I can see that relationships are formed with the children which is so great. Its so different to newcastle mission with feva.

Need to sleep(:

Is he back?

2012-01-06T11:55:00.001+10:30

Remember that anonymous email guy a few months ago?
I got an anonymous text the other day from +61416626727. And when i called back i got no answer till i called back anonymous and a guy answered and hung up. Before that i seriously thought a friend had gotten a new number but not so sure now. Cos i don't get replies to texts asking who he is.

Oh well. Let me know if you know who it is. Because its bugging me. But yea. Obviously not someone i know well.

On my way to cowra now(:

hello from melbourne

2012-01-03T12:35:00.002+10:30

currently in the state library
getting some peace and quiet
and time away from the family
some time to read God's word
and to reflect
and write my cowra mission talk

i will be back on the 16th of Jan
and i'll be back in syd for a week before heading to nextgen
(no wonder i'm broke)

well(:
HAPPY NEW YEAR

and:
let me know if you want to cook with me at KYCK this year (:

k

Hello Melbourne

2011-12-30T23:18:00.001+10:30

i know Father has the best for me.

2011-12-25T21:55:00.002+10:30

i know He knows whats best for me
even when i know what my heart wants
i seem to know that
God knows better

k

collide

2011-12-25T21:53:00.003+10:30

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll goI worry
I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

thoughts

2011-12-25T18:48:00.001+10:30

it's been a year
a year of joys and disappoints
been an amazing year of friendships
but also of distancing

i can't imagine the coming years without some of the friends i've made this year
i can't thank God enough for Hannah ♥ and the girls at church - Alison, Manda, (:Cherry and Jamie
brothers like Michael and Evan who love me enough to be honest with me
kelvin and esther. (:

although I've in some sense 'wasted' a year of uni because i never completed anything
the best thing at uni that has happened to me this year was being involved with FEVA
(: i can't imagine this year without FEVA, it's been amazing.
can't wait to see Sam and Marinka's baby (: can't wait to see Evan involved with FEVA
so excited to see people continue to grow there (: and people like Matt James start MTS
it's a great ministry (:

i'm thankful for the time spent working at Coffee Republic even though it meant waking up at 5:30am
i'm thankful for the Rice Regenerate team, the godly women like Ruth and Elaine and Hongy who are there who have looked after me. So glad that I've been able to serve with them this year, being lead by a humble and faithful leader like Mikey.
i'm thankful for those at 7am prayer like Chewy, Priska, Mikha, Adro, Ivan, Elliot, Sherilyn, James and the encouragement that has been to not only me but to brothers and sisters who walk past each Friday morning, may that continue to bring glory to God.
i'm thankful for those in CBS who are faithful and so caring and loving, who have cared and looked after me this year, people like Sarah, Dan and Matt. I've been so encouraged by people like Will who come and do one to one in Coffee Republic and buy coffee (:
i'm so thankful for how God has provided job after job for me, always providing.

at church I can't thank God enough for answering so many prayers
for a new pastor - john (: and allan
Gap year and YA on tuesday nights have been something that i look forward to all the time
church has been such an encouragement, a place of learning and growth
i would love to see it continue to grow as a community of believers, passionate about worshipping God, about spreading the good news to those in the community around us, in becoming more prayerful, a community that looks out for one another and is really united because of Christ (:

- could go on
but i want to leave the computer screen

(: heading to melbourne tomorrow
and then to cowra
so i'll be back in sydney for the first week of next gen
and then leaving for katoomba in the second week for next gen

(:

k

liking.

2011-12-25T18:18:00.000+10:30

these pants

these bangles, not that i'd really ever wear them though

love the colour

such a beautiful dress

2011-12-23T23:48:00.000+10:30

shindig at evan's

2011-12-23T23:24:00.002+10:30

enjoyed great company

great food

great conversations

hosted by a great guy, evan

had some great wine after

the 2010 moscato that was given to me by kelvin and esther(:

noice.

it was a good night

chewy took me home(:

bed time dude.

frankie

2011-12-22T14:43:00.001+10:30

day 21: after Day 18's panic I find the kind of calm that comes from completely thinking things over. Who cares if I don't have a social-networking account for 30 days? Now I only know what's happening in the lives of people that I actually talk to (or email). And that's the way things should be. I start to realise that looking at the facebook news page made me feel that people were talking to me and that i was engaged in other people's lives. But I wasn't. Real communication needs effort. It requires more than three secods out of my day and a 'like'.I was the worst kind of facebook user. I added little to the conversation. I just hung around on the outskirts of conversation listening in. I thought I was performing social interactions when I was really just wasting time.

- Sam Burnett

i'm back

2011-12-22T12:09:00.001+10:30

feeling weak

2011-12-21T09:11:00.001+10:30

faint.
gotta rest up
and eat well

so frustrated

2011-12-20T23:02:00.000+10:30

each time i talk to you
you seem to be in more pain

each time i talk to you
i get more and more angry
more and more frustrated

your situation makes me so sad
and i don't kno what to do
i am praying for you

love you
and miss you heaps.

k

What God has been teaching me

2011-12-15T01:01:00.001+10:30

(: Through prayer God will change you because you are aligning your will with his

Through prayer you are admitting there is no way you can do it yourself And through consistent prayer you are telling God that you seriously want this change in your life for his glory

Mission

2011-12-12T23:16:00.001+10:30

So encouraged by last night
My friends went over to a few Muslim mens house for Arabic coffee and talked about the Bible and the Quaran. (:

They were really interested in Christianity and are going to visit the church sometime.

Exhausted. Had my first proper meal tonight since arriving on mission. The church has not been catering very well for the vegetarians on the team. I have been feeling weak and faint all day. My billet had made vegetarian lasagna though for dinner. It was amazing. I get to bring some for lunch tmr. (: yay

Feel so blessed. The billets i have are so nice. The place i am staying at is amazing. The billetees, Matt and Mel who i am staying with are really nice aswell. (:

Really asking that God would work through me,though i am weak and sinful. That He would give me compassion for the lost.
(:

Feeling less home sick . Got to talk to my family tonight. Can't wait to spend time away with them.

Night(:

Kstn

Mission

2011-12-11T22:50:00.001+10:30

Been on mission, arrived in newcastle on Friday and got straight into it. I had to cater for the youth group so decide to make pizza. We pumped out 45pizzas. Was pretty amazing. Had a lot of fun with a bunch of the team in the kitchen.

Been door knocking which is always scary and i always think that if it were me being door knocked i would be rather suspicious and unwilling to talk but i know God softens hearts and He is mighty to save!

Was really excited by some Muslims who came along to Carols tonight who wanted to know more about God. A bunch of brothers ended up going back to their place for coffee and to chat. So excited to hear about it over breakfast tmr.

Encouraged also by the unity of the church and the community. I love how multicultural the church is! Also my billets are amazing people. I can't wait to spend more time with them getting to know them!

Tired. Diet has not been amazing. I usually eat i high fibre low GI diet but not so much here. So have not felt the best. I bought some muesli though this morning so hopefully things will get better!

Going to bed(:

2011-12-09T00:14:00.001+10:30

i remember seeing this image a while ago
probably posted it here too
back then
i did think of someone

im glad this time around
no one came to mind
so glad

kstn

inspired. i love this. reblog?

2011-12-08T16:50:00.001+10:30

THE DESSERTS

The lemon meringues were to-die-for. A clear favourite among guests. The creative little 'textured lollipops' in various colours and flavours had a very light and foamy, marshmallow-like quality and were a delight to taste.

blackmilk

2011-12-08T16:05:00.001+10:30

these arent black milk

but would look amazing with the leggings

too bad

they're 70$

and i dont have the legs for it

haha

otherwise

im mesmerised

by the colours

lovely

2011-12-08T15:42:00.001+10:30

really like this one(:

newcastle

2011-12-08T15:26:00.001+10:30

things to pack

must bring:
phone charger
camera battery charger
camera
clothing etc
swimmers + stuff to wear on top
bible. pen. diary. etc.

... money
... should start packing

got lectured

2011-12-08T15:25:00.001+10:30

the other night before YA
..
sigh

gotta commit stuff to prayer
consistently.

How sinful i am

2011-12-08T11:50:00.001+10:30

1 Corinthians 1:24-32 ESV

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

loving

2011-12-07T22:06:00.001+10:30

these designs

if only they were swimmers
(not that i'd get them)
i think im extremely attracted to them because i love geometric shapes
stumbled upon them on notcot
but i wont put them here
cos it probably wont be helpful

but as a reminder to self
if i ever get to design stuff
man, this is inspiration!

hello beautiful

2011-12-07T21:48:00.001+10:30

(:

2011-12-07T20:39:00.001+10:30

we bought a christmas tree(:

2011-12-07T19:57:00.001+10:30

yay(:

the baron

2011-12-07T16:45:00.001+10:30

love the atmosphere

and love the service

but i have to say i was disappointed by the coffee

it wasn't that good :/

(:

2011-12-07T12:04:00.001+10:30

thinking of starting a food blog
might start off with "the baron"
this afternoon
going with manda and dpak

blackmilk

2011-12-07T11:18:00.001+10:30

shopping

2011-12-06T18:33:00.001+10:30

gotta love shopping
not.

went shopping today with hannah at parra
and didn't buy a single piece of clothing

it's hard to find clothing
because
a) i dress pretty conservatively
b) no shorts
c) no single tops, always need sleeves
d) sleeves have go to be decent length
e) skirts and dresses have to be decent length
f) skirts and dresses can't be too sheer , same goes for tops
g) clothing cannot have random inappropriate cut outs
h) clothing has to be relatively cheap because i'm not made of money
i) clothing has to be somewhat good quality, otherwise i find i just chuck it

i usually just op shop. its got to be the cheapest
for relatively good quality
and stuff i like

can't believe i didn't buy a single thing
D:
bleugh

k
ps. i like what she is wearing

dream

2011-12-05T22:24:00.001+10:30

to travel the world
and work at the same time

or work
and then travel the world
until i need to work again
and then travel the world

God has put some amazing cultures and people on this earth
i can't wait to check it out

Ivan is in uganda atm, volunteering at the orphanage
i am extremely envious

k

there are

2011-12-04T22:55:00.001+10:30

a whole bunch of relationships
that i have now

that i hope
in fifty years time
i will still have

(:

i can see

2011-12-03T23:43:00.001+10:30

what you're doing
and its so similar to what i use to do
and i don't know whether i should talk to you about it
k

2011-12-03T22:20:00.001+10:30

spent the night out with hannah and michael
it was good, they came to castle hill
and we went like restaurant/ cafe hopping
The Coffee Club (the towers one is actually so bad compared to the one at norwest :/ like service wise)
and then Max Brennar.
and then Crust pizza cos tongs was hungry
it was a good night of talking
(:

yea, nothing more to say
it was just good i guess(:
things to do:
buy a cap from MB next time, i never drink caps
but this one actually looks rather exciting
not choc sprinkles but like liquid choc on top

yay(:

picnic(:

2011-12-02T21:26:00.001+10:30

sylv with the apple mint tea (:

gourmet salmon sandwich : cream cheese, salmon, spanish onions, avocado, capers, rocket

gourmet chicken sandwich: pesto, grilled chicken, sundried tomato, boccocini, baby spinach

english breakfast tea
plus oranges
plus cloves

berry punch & sylv:

lovely girl

plus mixed berries

cranberry juice

lemonade

she made gingerbread stars :D SO GOOD

yes, we drank out of glass jars (;

manda & apple and mint tea

apple slices, mint, peppermint tea plus apple juice

JING !
(:

she made amazing brownies

people who came:

sylv

priska

karen

jing

manda

maybelle

mikha

michael

evan

chewy

nathan

panda

james chen

arthur

dli

people who bailed

rosie

erinn

beth

sherilyn

elliot

dpak

tom

chee

avi

josh

cho

zac

tim

beasts

being beasts on guitar

i love evan's playing

it's actually so lovely

would listen to it all night long

***

overall amazingly good day

even though i had no sleep

i love these brothers and sisters

they're amazing

God has blessed me so much

and i wanted to bless them by hosting a picnic

i hope they enjoyed it(:

other food i made:
(:

jelly

pineapple and sausage skewer things

chicken skewers : satay/ Portuguese

seafood skewers

frittata

quiche

i'm so tired

it's ten

i have work tomorrow

bed time man.

long day

2011-12-02T04:30:00.001+10:30

yesterday:
i woke up
went to the gym
went shopping for today
went to work
2-11
came home
couldnt sleep for the next bajillion hours :(

waking up in half an hour
wait, im already awake
my body is exhausted
it would be
but my mind is racing
i stupidly had a coffee at work
remind me again why i dont do that?
so distraught

and showers tomorrow
please dont rain hard.

k

i mean today

love friends

2011-12-02T04:25:00.001+10:30

Reblogged from yoursweetgirl with 18,887 notes / Permalink


it is 4:55am
i am awake
all nighter
i havent been able to sleep
im distraught

picnic tomorrow

picnic time!

2011-12-01T00:40:00.001+10:30

yes!

2011-12-01T00:17:00.001+10:30

i
have
lost
weight

and gained muscle at the same time
gotta love that

out of the ordinary

2011-11-29T14:31:00.001+10:30

today after leaving the gym
i was walking, very slowly because i can't multi task and walk and text at the same time...
and i heard two ladies come behind me, speaking a different language, i was like, maybe i should move to the side...
they walked past me
and one said to me "we admire your legs, you have beautiful legs"

i blushed
and looked down
they walked past me and i continued along

the first thing i did, was praise God
it only seemed natural, my legs are given to me by Him
i am sustained by Him

it's weird
i never thought i had exceptionally beautiful legs
they're pretty average
haha

funny moment of the day

benny bought me a 'drinks' book before he left

2011-11-29T14:11:00.001+10:30

and i only picked it up today
to have a look at it
so far im liking the sound of

brandy alexander
malt mafia
white russian
toblerone ( they serve this one at allure)

cinnamon, maple and pear frappe
caffe latte freddo (which is something i make at home anyway...)
apricot eggnog
chocolate liqueur frappe
spanish hot chocolate
iced lemon and peppermint tea

banana soy latte
creamy rich banana and macadamia smoothie
avocado smoothie
summer fruit soy smoothie

i might go make that avocado smoothie.

what i want a picnic to be like !

2011-11-29T14:08:00.001+10:30

fun fun: great idea for summer !

2011-11-29T14:04:00.001+10:30

good times.

2011-11-27T22:44:00.001+10:30

unlike sylv i don't owe this blog photos, i think i image vomit enough
i probably owe it personal photos but ill do that later.
i think i owe this blog words
i feel like i rarely type things up anymore.
like i hardly express my feelings anymore
it happens, i guess when you don't meet up with people
when whilst at work you're a robot
whilst at home you're like a mute (not really, but i don't talk much)
i think im generally quiet anyway
mum seems to say so all the time
i just sit and listen
and observe, and i've realised this, and i wonder, have i always been like this?
maybe not when i'm with a bunch of friends

had a beautiful day yesterday
met up in the morning for cowra mission meeting, i don't know if anyone can tell
but i'm so uncomfortable there
i have yet to find.. warmth there?
i find the people so hard to engage with, except for a few, like Bec and Julie and Gaylene
(all of whom are Caucasian) i find talking to joey and lish easy
which is good, had good conversation.
but otherwise, maybe it's because i'm in the cooking team, rather disengaged with the rest of the mission team
well i'm not in like.. a bigger group so i don't really know that many people
and i'm socially awkward, and find it so hard to introduce myself into a group of people who already know one another
it's like one of the last things i want to do if you were to put a whole list of things together to do.
i'm the girl who stands in the corner at a party and pretends to look busy
fighting back tears, struggling, wondering why the heck i'm so scared to just go up and say hi
ridiculous.
i know
the girl who waits for someone to come up to me and introduce themselves.
(im secretly rejoicing)
the meeting was ok, we had already really planned most of the things at the mission weekend away
so there was little to do in team time.
but the talk was good. - (:

headed to mac centre after, where cowra people were having lunch,
they were sitting at a long table at a restaurant, i think it was the one that esther kelvin and i went to
back when it was a nice restaurant and not a more leaning towards fast food joint
i sat around for five minutes before i left, couldnt stand the lack of conversation, the not knowing what to say, the sitting at the end of the table with two guys on my side, neither of which really talked, the small talk about what food to order ( i wasnt eating ... it was burgers and i was broke. i ended up buying lunch for two bucks) i couldnt sit around and pretend that i wanted to be there and i didn't have the energy to try, it's something i really think i have to work on. and im really struggling with it, being socially awkward that is.
i struggle immensely trying to hang out with asians. it's ok when it's with the first years that i know from study camp, connect, rice etc, but thats because i know them, there's usually one person whom i, can have a proper conversation with and .. things seem ok, when it's a whole bunch of new people, i freak out. not so much when it's a whole bunch of non asians, im fine with that, but for some reason when i'm with a whole bunch of new asians, i freak out. i don't even know what's wrong with me.

i left, and walked around mac for a good hour by myself, sad. i know
got picked up by clare and headed to north sydney ( i totally thought we were having dinner in petersham, even told evan that it was in petersham, i called him up to let him know the chance of location.. . i should've read the invite properly) this morning, i woke up and watched the news. it's obvious that God was watching over us when the decision was made to have dinner in north sydney. because there was a shooting last night in petersham and judging from the photos it was very close to the church. i'm thankful.

on arrival at the church hall, we helped out with deco, made a mad rush to buy last minute things, turns out nothing is really opened on a saturday afternoon in north sydney. i got changed after a bit and we headed to the grassy area near the church. it's a beautiful church - (:
evan arrived after a while and realised he knew people - glad he felt welcomed and seemed relaxed.
the night was good, i'll miss FEVA, i'm so glad i made the decision to go to mission with them. they're beautiful people whom i love hanging out with and doing life with. i love how everyone knows one another, how it's small and you're not just a number. we said farewell to the graduates, although two of them were becoming mts ers anyway (: so they'll be around. two girls are going on exchange next year which is way exciting ! (:

the mains was average, i was surprised considering it came from potbellys catering service, the dessert however was lovely, i didnt eat much of the mains, i find i dont eat much nowadays, i think its a combination of going to the gym and the weather. the dessert was cream brulee or chocolate cake with berry coulis. evan and i just shared it, although we didnt end up finishing the cake that was then passed down to jacob who seemed to love the fact that i wasnt finishing half my dishes and passing them onto evan or him haha.

wore my dress from last year, yr 12 formal. had my hair down like normal and just my normal heels, the ones i wear everywhere - i'm selling that dress now. worn it twice and thinking, perhaps it's time to get another. trying to sell it on gumtree, don't know if it will sell.

on the way home, i was in the car with clare and beginia, we had an interesting conversation about clothing, shopping and sizes. turns out we all wear the same size, but if you saw us, we're completely different shapes and sizes and i think there would be around a 10 kg weight range between the heaviest and the lightest of us. it's interesting how we could all wear the same size, but be completely different. it would be good one day to go shopping with people who don't just try on everything and it looks amazing on them because they're a size 8. but actually go shopping with someone who understands body shapes. clare has a good understanding of body shape and how things hang and what things work and dont work. i think im still yet to figure out what works, although so far i think empire line is ok for me dress wise. otherwise, i struggle to go shopping, actually really don't like it. .. but i need to find some summer clothes because at the moment, i'm avoiding going shopping by going to the gym where i just wear a shirt/ singlet/ shorts/ leggings. i'm more comfortable in gym wear than anything else. ridiculous i know.

last night was good. i think i miss going to formal things-mostly because i do enjoy elegant nights, dressing up, being with people, sipping nice ice teas and eating fancy food. i always wonder what the people in the city who go to formal functions do, as in - with their life, what do they do that allow them to go to such glamorous places - it's something that i think i'll miss heaps when i grow up. it's not to say that i can't organise them though (:

i enjoy hanging out with evan, in some ways it reminds me very much of hanging out with benny, in many ways actually. just hanging out with a friend with common interests, going where the wind takes us, treating one another as brothers and sisters, although more often than not evan just treats me like a brother. 'hey bro' ... or 'hey man' is regular in his vocab. benny was, not much different i don't think. chill times - very chill times. being laid back and chill is the way to go .

********************************

today?
arrived at church and sang my heart out to God in the morning with dot, tammy and emmanuel
there is so much emotion, so much heart - i listened to the words and couldnt help but use my hands to express just how much weight there is upon these words, how much i agree with them, how much God is worthy of all praise !

gap year was encouraging, we had good conversation at the end- it's obvious we've grown much this year, God has really blessed us, and i love the brothers and sisters from gap- how honest we are with one another, how encouraging - (: thankful

Pastor john preached on psalm 6 today - i had recently read it, but it was great
praying to God when we know that we are so worthy of His discipline, His wrath, His punishment

mum and dad left me at church, forgot to tell me that they were having lunch
so i had to ask around for a lift to carlo court
where i bumped into felix, anita, james, chloe's parents and it was like half an hour before i actually got lunch
bought food for tonight's dinner -
made nice pizza(: will definitely make it on tuesday

********************************

tomorrow i'll go to the gym
meet up with manda and dli
organise food
pray for dialogue dinner
buy food
bring it to church, hope doors are open
go to work
there's a function on at allure tomorrow
apparently expecting 95 people
i dont even know how i'm going to serve food that fast
but it will be good

(:

night

k

beauty

2011-11-27T22:24:00.001+10:30

image vomit

2011-11-27T21:36:00.001+10:30

it'd be so frustating not having film for these cameras

absolutely love this one (:

it's so cute

if i could

i would wear rings like this

dad however doesnt like it when i have too many rings on

this

beautiful

to make

2011-11-26T23:13:00.001+10:30

work

2011-11-25T22:05:00.001+10:30

absolutely exhausted. it was only a 4 hour shift
but emotionally i'm drained
i'm so sick of working with this duty manager
i need love and patience
she makes me feel so inadequate
" have you ever been a waitress before? "
and she's so demeaning whenever i ask her anything
i'm constantly being picked on for everything that i do
i wish i grew extra arms and legs too when i got to work
but unfortunately i don't have that special ability
you'll just have to live with me being in one spot at the one time
and i'll let you know when i'm given that ability
she actually makes me stressed
and when i'm stressed i'll stuff up
ie. drop cutlery.
even brian could tell. chef was like. don't apologise
i just gave him a look, don't know what look it was
and said. "i'm stressed"
i miss working in the kitchen so much, working with brian
steve
fran
and there's a new guy called kenson i think, but he asked me to call him kenny
he seemed nice, 2nd year pharm at usyd.

my brain was like this tonight
- grab dishes
- should i scrape them or just dump them?
- people are waiting for orders / drinks
- man i still have to wipe that table
- that table over there needs cutlery
- that table has been waiting for ages for orders
- tap for two
- have to clear that table
- grab a pen and paper
- why do you have to sit at the table that someone just left
i havent cleared it or wiped it yet
- DM, why do you leave plates and cups and cutlery everywhere?
thats just as bad as me not organising the dirty stuff out the back
i do the dishes anyway
- why is there so much prep info on this order
rather, why is the keyboard in alphabetical order, who types like that.
- don't appear like a robot like the customers
- smile
- ask them if they want dessert
- upsell upsell!

... yea, at the end of the night, i was like, man i love working at allure
all i have to do is bring out drinks, bring out food, clear tables, set tables, do cutlery
there are four / five people on the floor
the service is exceptional according to the comments left on eatability
pay is good, tips is good

i don't understand why people come to coffee club for average food
and pay heaps...

man.
im tired.
woke up at 5:30 for 7am prayer
went out for lunch with hannah
came home and went to the gym
went to work

yesterday i went to the gym at 7am
left at 9:30
and then had a shift at 2
till close

gotta sleep
tomorrow:
9am- 1pm mission meeting for cowra
clare will pick me up , we will go to petersham
help set up
7pm feva end of year dinner starts
evan will hopefully be on time
i'll probably get home late
hopefully not
but probably will

k

walking through the Psalms

2011-11-24T11:27:00.001+10:30

really enjoying the Psalms atm(:

this is so beautiful

2011-11-24T10:03:00.001+10:30

followandreblog:

Whenever I attend the wedding, the first thing I look at isn’t the bride. It’s the groom. I like seeing the way he looks at her, like she’s the only woman in the world and all he could ever ask for was walking down the aisle in a white dress, ready to say yes to a life with him, and to love him for the rest of his life.

Before the wedding: “They wanted to pray together, but not see each other, before the ceremony.”

image vomit.

2011-11-23T20:56:00.001+10:30

inked.

2011-11-23T20:54:00.001+10:30

i miss this

2011-11-23T15:07:00.001+10:30

going to the park
and swinging on the swings

gym

2011-11-23T15:04:00.001+10:30

bodycombat
run run run
cycle cycle cycle
CROSS TRAIN !

insanely bored

2011-11-23T15:02:00.001+10:30

at home

i want to go shopping

2011-11-22T15:58:00.003+10:30

buy summer clothing

buy food for lunch
actually i should make that event first
confirm a day
:/

too many people to invite
how is that even possible
i dont have a social life atm

gym

2011-11-22T15:58:00.001+10:30

body attack
run run run
run run run

best ever

2011-11-22T15:51:00.001+10:30

I am

2011-11-20T22:55:00.001+10:30

MY RELATIONSHIP
I'm a child of God - He is my Father - 1 Jn 3:1,2
I am Christ's friend - Jn 15:15
I am born of God - 1 Jn 4:7
I have been adopted by God - Rom 8:15

MY INHERITANCE
I am an heir of God - Rom 8:17
I am a joint heir with Christ - Rom 8:17; Gal 4:7
I am blessed with every spiritual blessing - Eph 1:3
I am a child of promise - Rom 9:8; Gal 3:14
I've been given great promises - 2 Pet 1:4

MY TRANSFORMATION
I'm redeemed and forgiven - Eph 1:6-8
I've been justified - made righteous - Rom 5:1
I have eternal life - Jn 5:24
I died w/Christ to the power of sin - Rom 6:1-6
I am free from condemnation - Rom 8:1
I have received the Spirit of God -1 Cor 2:12
I have been given the mind of Christ - 1 Cor 2:16
I have been crucified with Christ - Gal 2:20
I am a new creation - 2 Cor 5:17
I have been made alive with Christ - Eph 2:5
I am God's workmanship - Eph 2:10
I have received fullness in Christ - Col 2:10

MY POSITION
I am connected to the true vine - Jn 15:1,5
I'm a willing slave of righeousness - Rom 6:18,22
I am a temple of God - 1 Cor 3:16; 6:19
I am one spirit with the Lord - 1 Cor 6:17
I am a member of Christ's body - 1 Cor 12:27
I am reconciled to God - 2 Cor 5:18
I am a saint - Eph 1:1; 1 Cor 1:2; Phil 1:1
I am a fellow citizen in God's kingdom - Eph 2:19
I have been brought near to Christ - Eph 2:13
I'm to be righteous and holy like God - Eph 4:24
I have direct access to God - Eph 2:18
I am a citizen of heaven - Phil 3:20
I've been rescued from Satan's domain - Col 1:13
I am hidden with Christ in God - Col 3:3
I am chosen of God - holy, beloved - Col 3:12
I am a child of light, not darkness - 1 Thess 5:5
I am a partaker of Christ - Heb 3:14
I'm one of God's living stones - 1 Pet 2:5
I'm a member of a royal priesthood - 1 Pet 2:9
I'm to be a stranger to this world - 1 Pet 2:11
I'm an enemy of the devil - 1 Pet 5:8

MY CALLING
I am to be salt on the earth - Mt 5:13
I am to be light in the world - Mt 5:14
I'm chosen and appointed to bear fruit - Jn 15:16
I am called to do the works of Christ - Jn 14:12
I am to do what Christ commanded His disciples - Mt 28:20
I have been given spiritual authority - Lk 10:19
Signs should accompany my work - Mk 16:17-20
I am a minister of a new covenant - 2 Cor 3:6
I am a minister of reconciliation - 2 Cor 5:18,19
I am to be an expression of life in Christ - Col 3:4
I am a partaker of a heavenly calling - Heb 3:1

2011-11-20T22:46:00.001+10:30

everything you go through
go through it for a reason
not just a season

beautiful

2011-11-20T19:12:00.001+10:30

Source

2011-11-19T23:24:00.001+10:30

got a call this morning to trial a cafe in pennant hills.
wedding.
beach
work
and then called up a friend, after a missed call.
realised that her birthday dinner was tonight but because the date change was made on fb
i wasnt informed... i thought it was tomorrow.
what a fail.

good day (:

my day in images

2011-11-18T23:24:00.001+10:30

for actual photos

raw images

turned into photoshop ones

into jpg

feel free to visit

www.instencity.tumblr.com

inked.

2011-11-17T15:59:00.001+10:30

good morning !

2011-11-17T08:49:00.001+10:30

love

2011-11-16T20:57:00.001+10:30

http://www.etsy.com/shop/CarnivalOfTheManiac

if you can pull off this stuff
man !

7 pounds

2011-11-15T22:24:00.001+10:30

watching 7 pounds makes me sad.
not only because of the sad story line
but because will smith in this movie
reminds me way too much
of
and my stupidity.

k

inked.

2011-11-14T23:13:00.001+10:30

기도 means prayer and 기대 expectation

2011-11-14T14:44:00.001+10:30

“My Dearest Allie.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you.
-Noah”

2011-11-14T13:56:00.001+10:30

campcost dilemma

2011-11-14T12:22:00.001+10:30

would it be bad to not go to nextgen?

camp costs.

2011-11-14T11:18:00.001+10:30

newcastle: 250
cowra: 190
nextgen: 285
ya house party: 135
FEFCA: TBA
ANCON: 380

total : 1240

next gen

2011-11-14T11:12:00.001+10:30

$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?$285?

who has that much money?

so if anyone is interested in doing bar skills with me

2011-11-14T10:44:00.001+10:30

let me know (:
it's 99$ at the moment including the cocktail course
so you save 99$
(:

https://www.barcoursesydney.com.au/

k

for when i save 3k.

2011-11-14T10:33:00.001+10:30

http://www.barschool.net.au/

http://www.barschool.net.au/book/bartender

a month away
learning bar skills

i'd go to london
or phuket
or melbourne (of course)

(: looks amazing

hannah's dinner

2011-11-14T09:57:00.001+10:30

good times at HOME thai (:
shared food and laughter
and played the eating game because we couldn't finish all the food

went to the darling harbour park after
so much fun
felt like a kid
pumping water
sparklers
slides
fairy lights in trees

good night

places to go

2011-11-14T09:07:00.001+10:30

new favourite blog here

1: paris - france
2: rome- italy
3: madrid- spain
4: bangkok- thailand
5: berlin - germany
6: boston -massachusetts

7: prague-czech republic

8: mexico-city mexico

9: stockholm-sweden

10: budapest-hungary

11: moscow-russia

12: mumbai-india

13: delhi-india

14: venice-italy

15: vienna-austria

16: dubai-united arab emirates

17: philadelphia-pennsylvania

18: prague-czech republic

19: rio de janeiro-brazil

20: florence-italy

brown

2011-11-14T08:56:00.001+10:30

blue

2011-11-14T08:54:00.001+10:30

(:

2011-11-12T23:02:00.001+10:30

from bottom : griotte syrup-soaked chocolate joconde sponge, griottes, dark chocolate chantilly, milk chocolate chantilly

job rejection

2011-11-11T23:09:00.001+10:30

Hi **** its kirsten. Sorry its taken so long to get back to you. Ive been thinking about whether to continue working at the bistro and have come to the conclusion that i probably wont. The dishes pans and pots are fine, im happy to do them but im not sure i can work in the kitchen in the state that it was. Im really big on food safety and oh&s and had serious concerns about some of the practices within the kitchen, both being practiced and not practiced. I dont think i could work in a kitchen that i wouldnt cook and eat from. The people are lovely and the pay is good. But for a dollar or two less per hr i can work in a safer and cleaner environment.
I hope you understand.

Sorry. I hope you find someone.

image vomit.

2011-11-10T23:21:00.001+10:30